What if?

If I had the choice, I would just choose to not pursue a relationship knowing that she was going to die in a year. It would be a hard choice

It would be hard to enjoy a relationship knowing when it will end. I couldnt stop thinking of what I'll do after it's over.

Social Exchange Theory

1. @tennisista I learned that you'll know what to say better as you just listen more. I learned to not think ahead.8:27 PM Mar 17th via web in reply to tennisista
2. @sirblake You have an awesome blog there! Really professional. I'll definitely vote for ya.12:49 PM Mar 5th via web in reply to sirblake

Strategic Language

1. the four words i would choose would be thanks, love, hi, and yes. A lot could be accomplished with just these words.11:58 AM Mar 5th via web
2. #comm 150 My thoughts were that maybe pursuing self esteem is a form of pride. It brings more attention to the self than to God.11:58 AM Jan 22nd via web

Big Five Personality Test

1. I took the personality test and I found it was pretty accurate. It said I was usually calm and and somewhat introverted.11:56 AM Jan 22nd via web
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2. @trackdude7 Listening is definitely an action word. It's just as important as talking.11:56 AM Jan 13th via web in reply to trackdude7

Communication Scriptures

1. @trackdude7 I like that scripture. I think a wholesome tongue brings wholesome communication and attitudes.11:45 AM Jan 13th via web in reply to trackdude7
2. @dandeeandy I totally agree. I find it hard to communicate when I'm angry at someone. Contention distorts our ability to communicate clearly11:43 AM Jan 13th via web in reply to dandeeandy
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3. I like 1 Jn. 4:7 as my communication scripture. If we love one another as God loves us, we will communicate more effectively.#comm15011:41 AM Jan 13th via web

Retarded Running!!!

Grant and Emma (Took this pic myself btw)

My Grandpa and nephew Grant having a good time (took this pic too)

Me and my brother Jason going off-roading!

Conflict Rituals

Ryan Sharp

Comm 150 2-3pm

Your Conflict Rituals

3-25-2010

One of my conflict rituals that I often have in a relationship is that I will avoid a person if I have had an argument with them. This is definitely one of my negative rituals that I have. Negative rituals can have a destructive power in a relationship if they are not fixed. Knowing that not all rituals are bad though makes us realize that it is human nature to have conflicts and certain reactions to them.

The thing that often causes this avoidance is a personal attack against me or insult. Sometimes it might simply be a verbal argument about something that I feel strongly about. These kinds of things can cause me to avoid them whenever possible. Sometimes the subject that causes this is usually about my personal life and not money or worldly things. Sometimes it’s caused by the fact that someone avoids me or gives me weird looks when I try to talk to them.

The response by both me and the other person when this ritual takes place usually involves avoiding each other. It’s a mutual thing where we both accept that we would rather not see each other and so we just stop communicating. It’s not really a bitter breakup or a dramatic fight that ends it all. We just stop having any interactions with each other. This ritual usually will just end through time. Sometimes it’s just a matter of days or weeks, and sometimes it might be a few months. But when you avoid someone for long enough then you just forget about them and they forget about you. You move on and the ritual is over.

Another one of my conflict rituals is doing service or acts of kindness for someone that I may have conflicted with. This positive reaction motivates me to make things better by serving them. Service for me is the ultimate way that I can show that I still care about someone. I think it’s hard to be bitter at someone that does service for you.

The subject that may trigger this service is really anything. It usually has to do with an argument about time or affection. In the case of a girlfriend, sometimes service can be triggered by a concern about time spent together and things like that. Sometimes the other person initiates this ritual by showing a lack of fulfillment or satisfaction. Sometimes the person just doesn’t seem happy and that triggers me to do something different for them that would cheer them up.

This ritual ends usually by the time that the other person is happier. It ends when the person seems uplifted again. I look for signs of how he or she is feeling and I judge based of that whether I need to do something extra or not. It’s usually something really simple, but it often has a huge impact on them.

An alternative to me avoiding people as my conflict ritual could be to simply come face to face with them and talk candidly about the situation. Almost all the time, the people that I know would be more than willing to talk openly and honestly about it instead of just avoiding it altogether.

A True Story

Ryan Sharp

Comm 150

A true story

I'm not sure that I fully understand what "a true story" was all about. There are always rewards and costs in any relationship. Every relationship involves risks when intimacy is involved.

The risks and costs of a relationship can involve many things. Much of the risk of

an intimate relationship stems from the depth of information that is shared. When you share so much information about yourself to another, it involves the risk of having that information exploited. There's always the risk of breakup. No relationship is guaranteed to endure through the years unless it is nurtures carefully and worked at continuously.

Some of the other costs of a relationship are risks of privacy. You place a certain amount of trust in another person when you are engaged in a relationship. You begin to share more and more personal information to them as the relationship grows. The greatest risk could be that after break up or divorce, the other person could exploit that for their own revenge or personal gain.

The rewards for a relationship range from the physical to the emotional. The benefits could include physical intimacy. Physical intimacy is one of the great benefits, but also one of the greatest risks in a relationship. Physical intimacy fulfills a basic need of touch and proximity that is inherent in almost every one of us. Emotional intimacy is also another benefit of a relationship that is important for a happy and fulfilling relationship.

A relationship provides people with a way to share and express their emotions and true feelings in a way that they can't do with anyone else. They can understand each other's emotions more deeply than would otherwise be possible outside of a relationship. Emotional intimacy is part of what makes people into "soul mates". Emotional intimacy is an essential reward of a healthy relationship especially in marriage.

Every cost of a relationship comes with a risk. We sacrifice part of ourselves when we become part of a relationship, even if it's only a friendship. A happy relationship that is fulfilling for both is one that balances the costs and the rewards. Ultimately, the rewards should outweigh the costs in a relationship or else it won't feel completely worth it.

Sometime people look only for the rewards in a relationship and they neglect the costs. Sometimes they ignore the risks and costs and they soon realize it's too late when the relationship goes sour. But when people can accept these risks and even embrace the costs, then that's when a relationship can blossom.

Buckets and Dippers

Ryan Sharp

Buckets and Dippers

2-12-2010

I think this is a really powerful article about how we can change our perception of those who may not treat us kindly. When I was younger I remember some kids at school who always seemed really negative and sometimes they would take it out on other kids. At the time I just thought they chose to be mean because they liked it, but now I realize that they probably had a poor family life, maybe even abusive parents, or maybe they had bad experiences in the past that scarred them. Now when I think of these bullies years later I think more about what must have been going on behind the scenes in their lives to make them act the way they do.

When you're in the heat of the moment, it's really difficult to react with sympathy toward someone who is taking out their anger on you. Even with a understanding of what the person has gone through, it seems really rare to see someone immediately react with love and compassion. I think our emotions get the better part of us and we let them control our actions during a circumstance like this. We take it personally and we want to get back at them.

I thought it was interesting how he pointed out that our world as a child is largely created by the adults in our life. It makes total sense to see how we carry that attitude with us throughout our lives because we depended on others so much to create our perception, our emotions, our attitudes, and our feelings of self worth. In that way I guess many adults are childish because they do not take enough responsibility for their own self perception. In a way, when an adult blames their low self esteem on someone else then they are consciously choosing to avoid responsibility for it themselves. I do think however that sometimes in marriage there is one spouse or the other that is abused verbally. It would seem pretty harsh to tell him or her that it is simply her own responsibility whether to take that abuse positively or negatively and just look at their spouse with sympathy. Years of abuse would tear anyone down and it doesn't seem right to just tell them it's their own fault because they chose to have their spouse shape their feelings of self worth.

I think there is some balance needed here to help us understand what exactly is being taught by the analogy of buckets and dippers. In most, but not all cases, there are some inner problems that cause people to behave so negatively toward others. Reacting with sympathy like saying "Ah you poor thing", might work in some rare occasions, but I dont think they would react positively to that in most cases. They would feel mocked and looked down on like a child. In other words, they would take that as an insult or attack. If I was angry at someone and they said that, I wouldn't just stop and take a second thought about how I'm behaving. I would get even more angry and escalate the conflict further. But I think if we are sincere and we approach them with all intention to just understand them better, then it would be much harder for them to react negatively.

Great Measure of our Discipleship

Ryan Sharp

Comm 150 2:00pm MWF

Great Measure of Discipleship

2-1-2010

I believe that the greatest measure of our discipleship is not only how we view others but also how we act on those impressions. Although I would agree that how we view others is even more important because it determines how we will treat them. Seeing each other as Christ would see us would influence every aspect of our behavior. We all make judgments at first sight but we can overcome that through prayer and humility. Only the Lord has the power to help us overcome the natural man and have the spiritual eyes to see each other as brothers and sisters in the family of God.

One of the objects that I noticed is used often in our society is a trophy. It’s never a bad thing to be considered attractive and good looking, but this trait is often used as a way for people to treat them as trophies to show off to others. This happens in dating, marriage, and even just in friendship. Sometimes as friends we seek the approval of those who are considered really attractive in order to impress others or make oneself look cooler. It is almost always a selfish desire that leads us to treat people as trophies. It’s a way for people to build up their reputation or resume in the eyes of others. To put it bluntly, these attractive people are being used.

One thing that makes this perception of people so wrong is that it is defined simply by physical looks. The person with this view does not see him or her as a child of God with great potential, christlike attributes, or personality traits. They see them as objects whose only purpose is to be displayed for show. They treat them as if they are hollow, without a soul or a conscious. They ultimately are missing what is most important about the person they use as a trophy. Being attractive certainly has its advantages, but it can be really painful when they realize that their body is the primary reason for their friendship/relationship. In marriage, it is even worse.

I chose this object because I find it so common, especially at my age. I’ve seen it with my roommates, classmates, friends, and fellow ward members. Back biting and gossiping are just a couple of the negative things associated with this perception. This trophy perception also tends to lead people to seek more for a cuddle buddy than a true friendship/relationship. Unfortunately these cuddle buddy relationships are often just used as a stepping stone to some other guy or girl that they seek to impress.

In the end, it is selfishness and pride that are at the heart of this unrighteous perception of others. Relationships, whether as friends or in marriage, are for the benefit of each other and not for the benefit of putting on a show. Perception has everything to do with discipleship. It affects our attitudes toward others, ourselves, and the Lord. It affects our ability to learn and walk by the spirit. It puts attention on the self, blinding us to be able to see the value and goodness in others. And most importantly, it drives us away from God Himself. God can’t communicate effectively with us when we are absorbed so much in our own personal gain or reputation. The Lord always sought ways to serve others, not for ways to use them for His own personal gain. If we learn to see others as God sees them, our only desire will be to love them and serve them because of who they are.

Compliment Project

Ryan Sharp Comm 150 2:00-3:00pm 1-19-2010 Compliment Project

I thought this project at first felt like it was going to be forced and unnatural for me, but as I did it I felt like my attitude changed about how much power a compliment can have on someone. One of the immediate effects of a genuine compliment that I noticed was a simple smile. It wasn’t an ecstatic smile, but rather it was a humble one that seemed to show a deep gratitude for the compliment given. I think it’s hard not to smile when someone gives you a sincere compliment. One of my roommates, Benoni, took the time to make a genuine African food dish for the whole apartment to enjoy. Considering the time and effort he put into it alone, the least I could do was say thank you. But I seriously loved the taste of the dish he had prepared and so I told him that I thought he was a very good cook. I not only told him that I loved his cooking but also that I appreciated his willingness to share his food with us. Immediately it seemed as if his confidence grew as he gently smiled. It seemed like he wanted to deny it at first and just shrug it off, but when he knew I was sincere he accepted it. The most important thing I noticed was simply that he felt good and I felt good. He took pride in the compliment I gave him, and it seemed like he had great satisfaction in what he had prepared. In some small way it also felt like we had strengthened our friendship. I also felt like we had contributed to help make our apartment more peaceful and unified than before. Another compliment I gave was to a stranger that just so happens to be a part of I-comm as I am. As a member of the design team, I did not know this person other than the fact that I knew he was considered the group leader in design. As he was showing some of his designs and ads that he had done for companies in the past, I was extremely impressed with his professional work. I told him sincerely that I thought he had the most professional and artistic ads of any other student I had seen. I told him that I thought he was really creative also. He was probably used to getting compliments all the time, but he gratefully said thanks and smiled at me. He was confident in his work already, but he seemed happier when I complimented him. His mood seemed to change from being content about his designs to being excited about presenting his work. One of the other compliments I gave was actually to my apartment manager. She has been my manager now for a few semesters. I noticed she was stressed with numerous complaints about the internet, broken appliances, etc. as I was talking with her about my rent. I simply told her that I thought she was a very hard working person and that she was really patient with us. I told her she was a very caring manager and I thanked her for her hard work. I was surprised to see that she immediately didn’t seem nearly as stressed. Her countenance changed from being stressed and fatigued to calm and grateful. She thanked me for that and for the next few minutes talking with her it seemed like her burden was eased if even for just a moment. I’ve learned from these experiences that positive words can actually have a powerful impact on our emotional well-being as well as our physical one.

Doer of our deeds

Ryan Sharp

Comm 150 2:00-3:00

Doer of our deeds

1-21-2009

I thought this was a very interesting talk about self esteem. A lot of the things that were said were grounded in scripture and I mostly agreed with her. If I look at it her way, then self esteem seems to be more like a choice. Some people concern themselves with the idea of self esteem much more than others. Some people never really think about it much.

From what I got, she seemed to say that self esteem in its true form is a form of pride. It is a way for us to hide what is at the heart of our problems. Self esteem gets in the way of our ultimate goal, which is to serve God and obtain eternal life. It is a distraction to our spiritual purpose in life.

One of the questions I had to myself was, “Can we pursuit self-esteem for the purpose of being able to help others? In other words, if we recognize that self-esteem, or confidence in one’s self worth, is important for us to have in order to help others, is it sinful to pursuit it? Maybe low or high self esteem is just a mask of the choices that we make. Sometimes it is directly related to our environment. If a child grows up in an abusive family, it would be difficult for that child to grow up with a high sense of self worth and confidence. It wasn’t really their choice to have low self esteem. But if they understand that they are children of God, and they understand their purpose in life, then maybe self esteem is irrelevant. They get their sense of self worth through God and His love.

Putting it into perspective, maybe pursuing self esteem should be changed to pursuing God. If we love God and make Him a part of our lives, we will begin to feel about ourselves the way that God does about us.

In my own experience, I honestly would say that during some of my high school years I had what would be considered a kind of low self esteem. I didn’t have confidence in myself that I could always fit in wherever I was. I generally felt uncomfortable in many situations because I felt like I wasn’t as well liked as others. After so many years, especially during my mission years, the thing that changed me wasn’t really from others, but it was from the realization that I was prideful to worry so much about myself. I was the one in sin because I would act in ways sometimes that would almost draw pity from others. I realized that this was not the way that God viewed me and I really didn’t have time to pity myself.

I also changed in part because I simply stopped worrying about myself or about self esteem, and I started being concerned more about others. In a real way I began to find myself by losing it. This principle became so clear to me as I learned to serve others, especially on my mission, and forget myself. As I did so, my confidence grew in the Lord, and consequently in myself. I knew my self-worth because I began to see myself as God does.

I really believe that this is what she is trying to teach us. We have no time or reason for pursuing self esteem when we are pursuing the kingdom of God.

The Tongue of Angels

Ryan Sharp

Comm 150 2:00pm MWF

Tongue of Angels

2-17-2010

The power of language in a relationship cannot be underestimated. I think the power of words can change the way we think of ourselves and of others. It can have the power to motivate us, depress us, and change us into becoming someone better or worse. It’s amazing to think as Elder Holland used an example of how God Himself used words to create the worlds. If words can have that kind of power than imagine what they can do to us in our relationships, our families, our friends, our coworkers, and everyone else.

In order to make your language more like the tongue of angels, you need to first understand the power that they can have. It’s important to understand that words carry messages with them that can have a huge emotional impact on both the sender and the receiver. They can change the way we feel and the way we act. I think that words almost always arise from our thoughts so it would be important to remember that we need to change our thoughts in order to change our language.

We have to clear and cleanse our minds in order to speak with the tongue of angels. If our minds are unclean, then our language will probably also be unclean and even malicious. Sometimes we say things that we don’t mean, but it still usually happens because we thought about it beforehand and we let our emotions control our behavior.

Once we cleanse our minds, then we can have the power and the control to only say words of encouragement, praise, and complimenting. We’ll have only positive thoughts and intentions and our language will show that. It’s also important to avoid judgement of others. This can easily lead us to have negative impressions of people, which leads to unkind thoughts of them, which leads further to speaking out at them with unkind words. I like to think of words as like the third or fourth step down the line of how we process our language. It shows up as a combination of thoughts and impressions.

I’m reminded of the Dr. Emoto experiment where he found that the water molecules had changed because of the words that were spoken. I believe the way we feel when someone speaks kind or unkind words to us is at least partly due to our physical makeup and molecular composition. If words can create worlds, they can definitely create biological changes in us that can change our countenance and our feelings about ourselves.

One of the biggest problems I see among friends with language is that it often involves joking around, which is funny at first until someone is emotionally hurt from it even if they said they were joking. Sometimes joking has some partial truth to it, and the receiver perceives it that way. Joking is okay in many cases, but it’s not okay when it is designed to bring people down or disrespect them. If people can avoid joking around with name calling or negative words to others, then we would all have language much closer to the tongue of angels.

And nothing shall offend them

Ryan Sharp

Comm 150 2:00PM MWF

“And nothing shall offend them”

I have some personal memories of Elder Bednar when he came and spoke to my mission a few years ago. It was basically a long question and answer session where we all had the opportunity to ask him anything that was on our minds about missionary work or doctrinal questions.

I remember he remarked that this talk about offense was actually often misunderstood. The most important part of it tended to be neglected and forgotten because of the doctrines that were taught about being offended. He said the core of the message was the invitations to prayerfully consider those who are inactive and to visit them with an invitation to come worship with us again. The other invitation was to learn and apply the teachings in the scriptures about offense. I think he felt that many members got too caught up in the doctrine that offense taken is a choice, and they got carried away with it thinking that they don’t need to be as careful about what they say. It overshadowed the most important part which was the invitations.

While its definitely true that it is a choice to be offended, it shouldn’t ease our minds into thinking that we don’t need to be sensitive to others. If we know that something will offend someone and we choose to say it anyways, then I think we are in sin. That would be a greater sin I believe for the one who said it than the one who took offense. If anything, I think this talk should make us even more careful and aware of what we say so that this is avoided if at all possible. Sometimes it just can’t be completely avoided, but I think in almost all cases it can be avoided if we are prayerful and listen to the spirit when we speak. Likewise, if the receiver is listening to the spirit then they too will avoid offense being taken.

I think taking offense is often an outward expression of a deeper problem sometimes. Elder Bednar said that many times these people still had testimonies and fond memories of their conversion to the church, but many times the people that take offense don’t have a solid foundation. Many members may ride solely off of how kind and considerate the people in the ward are. They might base their activity in the church simply on a close friend or family member. They might also base it just on the fact that church gives them a sense of belonging. These are certainly not bad things, but they will easily just vanish away if someone says something that offended them. If there is no testimony founded in Christ and the gospel, then all it takes is just one small offense to push them into complete inactivity.

I remember talking with people on my mission who were inactive and had been offended. Many times these people only came to church because of how much they liked the Bishop or the missionaries. When they were gone, or had said something considered offensive, they just lost all desire to go anymore. In these cases, the real concern wasn’t found until they had left the church. Unfortunately, I often felt hopeless in these cases because I knew they had to make the choice themselves to seek for a real testimony. They usually didn’t even have the desire to gain one, they had already made the choice to permanently leave the church for good. But if we take Elder Bednar’s invitation, than I think we’ll find those people prepared to come back.

Personal Challenge

Ryan Sharp

Comm 150 MWF 2-3PM

Personal challenge

3-17-2010

I chose my brother as the person for this personal challenge. He is probably the person that I am closest to here at school. I only get to see my brother a couple times a week, but I chose to be a better listener to him with the limited times I had to spend time with him.

Just as a background behind my brother, he lives in Idaho Falls with his girlfriend. He is an inactive member of the church and has been so basically since he was baptized. I usually don’t talk a lot about the gospel with him as it never seems appropriate at the time, but I do try to be an example to him simply as a brother and not as a missionary.

I really noticed a difference in our relationship as I chose to listen more to what he was saying instead of being distracted by homework and hobbies. In the past he often came over just to hang out and talk while I was busy with school or just watching tv. I never really gave him my full attention as I should have.

But recently I decided to focus exclusively on him and what was going on in his life, and I found that he was more and more open with me as I did so. He expressed his feelings about his relationship with his girlfriend, the problems they’re having, and what he could to solve it. He said things about his feelings and emotions that I have never heard him say in such a personal way before. As brothers, we really don’t talk a whole lot about our emotions and personal relationships in detail, but this time he did.

It really surprised me too. As I listened carefully and tried to extract the emotions behind his words, I felt a sense of my love for him. We don’t express our brotherly love in a traditional way because it feels so awkward for us, but when we just spend time together it says a lot. We don’t verbally express our love, but we both agree that actions speak louder than words.

I also found as I listened to him more that I could find the words to say more easily. The responses just flowed out as I simply focused on listening to him and not trying to think ahead. It was so much more relaxed as well. I didn’t worry about trying to give him the best advice or trying to figure out a solution to his problems. I just listened, and he appreciated it. He seemed uplifted too as sometimes he just needs to get something off his chest.

My understanding of what’s going on in his life increased dramatically as well of course. I understand how his relationship is going with his girlfriend better now than ever simply because I listened for the feelings. Watching for body language was also helpful in determining what my brother was really saying. He often likes to keep those things to himself which is why it amazed me how much I could learn about him by just listening.

I would say this personal challenge has become more of a learning experience and a changing experience than simply another assignment to me. Having a closer relationship with my brother is more than I could have expected from this assignment.

Listening Couch!

The listening couch has been an interesting project to say the least. I've heard everything from a family dealing with cancer to random and corny jokes. Some people seem genuinely relieved to just sit and talk about whats going on in their life. Some just needed to get something off their chest. Some just needed to be listened to. Of course, most people just gave us weird looks and wondered what the heck we were doing with a couch on campus. But I'm glad I was a part of this great project. We even made it on the I-Comm news!!! I hope it can become a tradition that continues through to the next semester.

Water Molecule Experiment

Really interesting experiment about the power of our thoughts and words. It's not just mental or spiritual, it's physical too! http://www.life-enthusiast.com/twilight/research_emoto.htm

Gymnastics Remi Gaillard

This is a great way to get people's reactions to odd behavior. Dress up in a gymnast suit and do sub par gymnastics in crowded areas! Go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9ApRjtwwTU to see it done the right way!

NVC Field Write Up!

Well, I now know that people watching is quite an eye opening experience. You learn a lot about yourself by watching others and the way they react to certain situations. It's funny too because you know how true it is when you see people flirting and the way they use their body to communicate. You figure out that you do the very same thing!