Buckets and Dippers

Ryan Sharp

Buckets and Dippers

2-12-2010

I think this is a really powerful article about how we can change our perception of those who may not treat us kindly. When I was younger I remember some kids at school who always seemed really negative and sometimes they would take it out on other kids. At the time I just thought they chose to be mean because they liked it, but now I realize that they probably had a poor family life, maybe even abusive parents, or maybe they had bad experiences in the past that scarred them. Now when I think of these bullies years later I think more about what must have been going on behind the scenes in their lives to make them act the way they do.

When you're in the heat of the moment, it's really difficult to react with sympathy toward someone who is taking out their anger on you. Even with a understanding of what the person has gone through, it seems really rare to see someone immediately react with love and compassion. I think our emotions get the better part of us and we let them control our actions during a circumstance like this. We take it personally and we want to get back at them.

I thought it was interesting how he pointed out that our world as a child is largely created by the adults in our life. It makes total sense to see how we carry that attitude with us throughout our lives because we depended on others so much to create our perception, our emotions, our attitudes, and our feelings of self worth. In that way I guess many adults are childish because they do not take enough responsibility for their own self perception. In a way, when an adult blames their low self esteem on someone else then they are consciously choosing to avoid responsibility for it themselves. I do think however that sometimes in marriage there is one spouse or the other that is abused verbally. It would seem pretty harsh to tell him or her that it is simply her own responsibility whether to take that abuse positively or negatively and just look at their spouse with sympathy. Years of abuse would tear anyone down and it doesn't seem right to just tell them it's their own fault because they chose to have their spouse shape their feelings of self worth.

I think there is some balance needed here to help us understand what exactly is being taught by the analogy of buckets and dippers. In most, but not all cases, there are some inner problems that cause people to behave so negatively toward others. Reacting with sympathy like saying "Ah you poor thing", might work in some rare occasions, but I dont think they would react positively to that in most cases. They would feel mocked and looked down on like a child. In other words, they would take that as an insult or attack. If I was angry at someone and they said that, I wouldn't just stop and take a second thought about how I'm behaving. I would get even more angry and escalate the conflict further. But I think if we are sincere and we approach them with all intention to just understand them better, then it would be much harder for them to react negatively.