Conflict Rituals

Ryan Sharp

Comm 150 2-3pm

Your Conflict Rituals

3-25-2010

One of my conflict rituals that I often have in a relationship is that I will avoid a person if I have had an argument with them. This is definitely one of my negative rituals that I have. Negative rituals can have a destructive power in a relationship if they are not fixed. Knowing that not all rituals are bad though makes us realize that it is human nature to have conflicts and certain reactions to them.

The thing that often causes this avoidance is a personal attack against me or insult. Sometimes it might simply be a verbal argument about something that I feel strongly about. These kinds of things can cause me to avoid them whenever possible. Sometimes the subject that causes this is usually about my personal life and not money or worldly things. Sometimes it’s caused by the fact that someone avoids me or gives me weird looks when I try to talk to them.

The response by both me and the other person when this ritual takes place usually involves avoiding each other. It’s a mutual thing where we both accept that we would rather not see each other and so we just stop communicating. It’s not really a bitter breakup or a dramatic fight that ends it all. We just stop having any interactions with each other. This ritual usually will just end through time. Sometimes it’s just a matter of days or weeks, and sometimes it might be a few months. But when you avoid someone for long enough then you just forget about them and they forget about you. You move on and the ritual is over.

Another one of my conflict rituals is doing service or acts of kindness for someone that I may have conflicted with. This positive reaction motivates me to make things better by serving them. Service for me is the ultimate way that I can show that I still care about someone. I think it’s hard to be bitter at someone that does service for you.

The subject that may trigger this service is really anything. It usually has to do with an argument about time or affection. In the case of a girlfriend, sometimes service can be triggered by a concern about time spent together and things like that. Sometimes the other person initiates this ritual by showing a lack of fulfillment or satisfaction. Sometimes the person just doesn’t seem happy and that triggers me to do something different for them that would cheer them up.

This ritual ends usually by the time that the other person is happier. It ends when the person seems uplifted again. I look for signs of how he or she is feeling and I judge based of that whether I need to do something extra or not. It’s usually something really simple, but it often has a huge impact on them.

An alternative to me avoiding people as my conflict ritual could be to simply come face to face with them and talk candidly about the situation. Almost all the time, the people that I know would be more than willing to talk openly and honestly about it instead of just avoiding it altogether.